You have always cared about yourself. You passed by me, sometimes sat down a little or spent your evenings with me. You were always lost in your own world, your own problems. You never realized how I felt when all these people come and go. Today I want to tell you about my own feelings. How sometimes I feel sad, other times am so happy. Some day I have the control, while sometimes I feel so powerless.
I feel so sad when sometimes that old man, with gloomy eyes, with a walking cane in his shaking hands, come and sit. How he cherishes the sweet memories of his beloved wife who just left him a couple of years ago. You don't know how angry I feel about his son, who lives far far away of his home and couldn't make to his mother's funeral. Yes this is how attached I get to every old man or woman who has a similar story. They are now destined to live alone, no one being there for them at all.
Times are not always sad. Sometimes I am blessed with the company of that beautiful girl who comes once in a week and dreams about a prince. I get so delighted to see her beautiful little face blushing with charm. How gorgeous she gets with the very thought of him. She keeps on waiting but never loses hope. She always leaves me overjoyed with all the hope and love that I can feel with her.
There are days when I get derailed and lose all the focus. When I don't know what to live for. Then I wait for a boy who comes about once or twice every month. I can always see the determination in him when he comes to me with a couple of books in his hands. He comes to me and spend most of his time reading his books and reminding himself of his aim. Sometimes he gets distracted by those couples walking hand in hand or groups singing songs, clicking photos and enjoying themselves, but gets back to work as he stays committed and focused.
On some lovely evenings, when the skies are orange, waters are shiny, leaves are greener and winds have that flowery scent, here comes a couple. In their youth, so energetic, so in love, never getting their eyes off each other. Those are the days am lost in the world of love. They talk of love, romance and how much they care about each other. They talk of their future, of getting old together, living and dying for each other. Sometimes an envious but other times I just pray for them. I know what they have is so precious and priceless that they may not realize how lucky they are to be in love.
I feel so connected to that boy who is so lonely and lives all alone. I don't know who he is. He never speaks to anyone. Always keeps to himself. He is always lost, confused and baffled. Unsure of everything, he always keeps on thinking. Just like me, he comes and spend hours staring at the waters and the ducks in it. Sometimes he enjoys the beauty of nature but other times he just gets sad and lonely. I am always crushed to see how everyone is so indifferent about his existence.
I am always keen to have those little children around me. They come, hide behind me, play with me and sometimes sleep on their parents' lap when they are tired of all those activities. I never mind when they get me dirty or spill drinks on me because they are the ones who remind me of life. They remind me of freedom, surprise and randomness. I realize that I belong here, I need to be here for them.
But you know what, I can give up on all of them just to see that one special face once again. I still remember that day she was here. She were the only one who made me feel special and taken care of. But then she was gone and I stayed. I had to stay while she left and never came back.
An Empty Bench.
